Brittany Barlag - Where I'm From

I am from aprons, apples and Adda,

Anxiety, stomach aches and sensitive skin.

“Bookahs” my patty-ogos and Ralph

I am from Mama’s smiles and Daddy’s temper,

Calvin Klein Obsession, cleaning chemicals mixed with sweat, smoke and motor oil

Matching dresses and motorcycles

            Hazel blue eyes and those pesky red-brown curls

Athena, Princess, Cassie, Eros, Angel, Olive, Belle, Gilmore, Filbert and Molly

I am from true Texan summers

            Camping and car rides

The ’78 Riviera, Willie Waylon and Me, Luckenbach Texas, Longhaired Redneck, A Boy Named Sue, The Fightin’ Side of Me.

Police parties and the daycare in our house

Beethoven, Pachelbel, Guns n’ Roses, Bryan Adams and Simon and Garfunkel; bedtime songs played on the eighty-eight.

I am from Amazing Grace and Dirty Work,

            Beavis and Butthead, The Last Unicorn, Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers and “Hi No Come Back”

I am from Das Vaterland, Scotland the brave - 'S RIOGHAL MO DHREAM; a Prussian princess

Tea parties, twirling dresses, ribbons and bows, china cups and rose-colored carpet.

Peppermint ice cream and watching airplanes from the porch,

Big bay windows, lace curtains and the pretty room.

I am from the Yanks and the Rebels,

            Ohio, Illinois, Michigan and the farm in Pennsylvania

            Texas and small-town Kansas

I am from English muffin pizzas, homemade mac and cheese, apple juice and skittles.

Aversions to “chocolate bread”

Rainbow popsicles and black olives on every chubby finger

I am from walking to Winn Dixie and Milwaukee Joe’s

Towing around Nana’s purple blanket

Hours of Memory and Hands and Feet

I am from Adventure Park and Chisolm, scars and scabs, sparklers, spookin’ and scary stories

            Trips to Red River not being able to get out of the snow.

Honduras and Mexico

Ranger Stadium and Lemon Chills

Pink and purple and my beloved Barbie Dream House

The beaded necklaces from that nice blind lady

I am from trips to North Canton and the Amish country – driving Deedee’s buggy

            English muffin bread, rice krispy cereal and orange juice

            Nana’s sewing room and the tin filled with buttons.

My favorites were the cows in overalls

I am from coloring books and crayons

            Hurst Library and Betsy and the Hurstview bridge

            Tilly Witch, Coconut Mon, The Cat in the Hat, Princess and the Goblin

            That old donkey and ‘The Shop’ with the lovely lady bug tree.

I am from Britter-Critter, Britney Spears, Britty, Chubbs, Lola and Bert

Johnny and Andy - Batman and Spiderman

Plastic guns, toy lightsabers, cowboy boots and underwear.

Johnny, my Clifford Jesus, my “black baby” but it’s okay – we have the same mama and daddy and they’re married now.

Andy, “where’s his head tube?” - choruses of “damnit Andy” and “it’s just your head”

 Laughing when daddy swears.

I am from GAD with a panic disorder, PCOS, irregular heartbeats and guilt

            Diagnosed after keeping those secrets from Mom

            Fears of clowns, spiders, heights and hospitals

            Counseling that only made me realize how much I dislike telling people about myself

I am from the tears on my pillow at night – he loved my brothers better

            The fear that I was just a mistake, that nagging shame; I am trouble

            My mama’s encouragement and understanding

The bottom drawer of my dresser, the junk drawer, is stuffed to the brim with aging photos and trinkets

The medals and plaques for my art

Diary entries I could never throw away, a mix of the smiles and the screams

I am from all of those moments.